Tag Archives: nausea

Feb. 19.

The Blahs Hit

The photo for today involves fog because right now I’m feeling a bit foggy. Today I was focused on the day job and got a lot accomplished. The problem is that when I was done with the day, I suddenly realized I wasn’t feeling all that great. Nauseous, tired, and completely unmotivated to work on anything—even this post. HA!

But then I realized one beautiful thing … I’ve been going through chemo for 4 months now, and tonight I’m more nauseous than I’ve been the entire time … and it’s manageable. I was able to have something to eat (nothing fancy, a helping of mashed potatoes) and I have not become one with the great porcelain bowl. And I’m starting to feel a tad better. Not great, but not as lousy as I was before.

I saw my doctor yesterday and she mildly chastised me for not sharing all my symptoms with her. (Ironically, yesterday I felt great.) And I told her my journey was so relatively light, I don’t really think of the negative symptoms as negative. Yes, after every chemo session I go through a few days of turning into a gas factory … I take the anti-nausea medications she prescribed and keep it in check. Yes, every treatment cycle means I’ll retain water like a camel and it takes a couple weeks to get back to normal. Yes, the injection to boost my white count gives me a headache and backaches, sometimes more severe than others, but these are known side effects, and none of it is beyond my ability to deal with. Yes, I get tired after the treatments, but I’m encouraged by how much better my energy is getting in between treatments.

So the bottom line is, I don’t talk about feeling poorly because I really haven’t had a bad time of it. I know many others who have had a much rougher time, so I feel blessed. But since I am not feeling the swiftest tonight, I am not working on things (other than this post) will probably watch a movie or read a little and get some rest. Oh, and I absolutely attribute my ability to stay well to keeping myself isolated most of the time, and being diligent about wearing a surgical mask when having to go out in public at any time.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Jan. 17.

The Aftermath

My Status: Headache-y
Mood: Cranky

Today what my body has been through in the last week caught up with me. Tired, headache I can’t seem to get rid of, and I’m retaining water like a camel. So I took it slow and easy this morning. I had an appointment with the surgeon for the port recheck today at 11:30, so I geared my morning toward prepping for that. My only problem with the recheck was finding the doctor’s office.

Once again, I didn’t get a confirmation call… and if I had, things might have gone a lot smoother because I might have questioned them when they told me to go to an office I’d never heard of. Not even thinking twice about it, I hopped in the car and went to the office I know… to be told when I walked in the door that I was at the wrong location. The receptionist handed me a card with the address, a place MUCH closer to my house, and off I went. Good thing I was early for the appointment at the wrong place, eh? I arrived at the “new” location and couldn’t find the suite on the card, so popped into the Urgent Care facility on the ground floor and asked. The receptionist there looked at me like I had two heads. So I asked for the doctor… OHHHH despite having 101 as the suite number on the card, he was upstairs… they didn’t tell me what suite, but gave me lousy directions “just up the stairs”.

By this time, my temper was frayed. The headache I had been trying to outrun came on full force, and I was NOT a happy camper. This is one of those times where I know my anger was disproportionate to the situation, but I also couldn’t change things. (Don’t worry, I didn’t behead anyone… I just kept stating over and over that I was NOT happy.) Fortunately, everything is good with the port, and I don’t have to go back unless there is a problem with it. And the drive home was short after having driven half the county earlier.

Knowing I wasn’t fit for any interactions with people, when I got home, I took a nap, hoping the headache would go away. No such luck. Of course, I’m way behind on getting fluids into me because I haven’t figured out how to sleep and drink at the same time. Pushing the fluids will ultimately help the head situation. I did ice it, so the edge has been dimmed, but still suffering with it. I am now drinking tea, and will try a little food before nausea kicks in, but I do have to say today has not been one of my favorites. I really could have done without the extra driving and the headache can leave any time.

The picture shows how I feel… being beaten by the forces of nature at the moment.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Jan. 15.

Cycle 3, Day 2 – Chemo

My Status: Rested
Mood: Good

Normally I talk about the picture for the post at the end, but I’m going to switch things up today and talk about this one now. 🙂 This picture spoke to me because it is how I feel right now. My body has a few cracks, and I may be a bit mossy around the edges, but I’m rested and merging with what I need to make me whole. (Besides… I can totally do that hairstyle right now.) My journey so far through Leukemia and Lymphoma has had relatively few bumps and for that I am eternally grateful. Resting is what my body needs… and sometimes is the most difficult thing for me to do.

Today went very smooth. Arrived on time, the chemo nurse put a new needle in, hooked me up, and away we dripped. At a normal pace. She slowed it down during the middle because she didn’t want to give it to me too fast, and as a consequence I am much clearer-headed than yesterday. 3 hours and we were ready to leave. SUCCESS!!!! The only issue I had was starting to get antsy from sitting near the end. And after yesterday’s marathon, can you blame me?

HalsaMatAt night, I usually use my spike mat, aka my modern bed of nails, to help relax my back and work out some of the back issues I have, but last night I didn’t use it. Primarily because I was so foggy and had taken a sleeping pill, and didn’t want to stay on it for too long or I might have permadents in my back. But since I DIDN’T use it… my back was not happy with more hours in the chair. Those who know me well, know I swear by my spike mat. It has allowed me to keep my back from completely giving up on me and helps me get a much better night sleep. And the pillow is the best part. LOVE my pillow. Anyway, today after being antsy during chemo, I came home, got out the mat and took a nap—despite the drug in the pre-chemo cocktail designed to hype me up. THAT is the power of the spike mat. I feel refreshed, my brain isn’t hazy, and I’m ready to attack more edits. Huzzah!!!

Now I should probably think about something to eat… oh yeah, before my nap, the tum was rumbling a bit, but now is solid. More fluid flushing and a bit of something to eat in my future. 😉 All for now. Looking forward to closing out this cycle tomorrow and I will be 50% of the way through my chemo sessions.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec. 21.

Life Beyond Normal

ChristmasBells

My Status: Headache ascendant
Mood: Philosophical

I love the holiday season and all of the festive atmosphere, the twinkling lights, the songs, decorating, and most importantly cherishing time spent with family and friends—there is a magic for all to experience. I have even been known to thrive on the hustle and bustle of this time of year. Normally. But sometimes life throws a curve and you end up living it beyond normal.

Beyond normal can include things that are fabulous or things that are not so great. It is an extreme, and when it happens things are different—you have to learn to adjust or it can be a bumpy ride, whether on the up or down swing. Beyond normal is where I’m living right now, and it can be difficult to keep your footing out here. Things I wouldn’t have even thought about doing twice last year can wipe me out this year … and do.

This week has been a particularly tough one, with the allergic reaction on Tuesday during chemo and the aftermath as well as the length of time the chemo took because of the reaction. It has depleted the few resources I had built up, and left a dishrag doll in its place. This season that I love is passing me by, and I’m missing most of it. I want to embrace it, but cannot lift my arms high enough to do so. Normally, I’m a fighter, and would push myself, but here in beyond normal I simply can’t. So I’ll just have to make up for it next year. 😉

Beyond normal impacts everything in your life. Even the simple day-to-day tasks, or maybe most especially the day-to-day tasks. This morning, I had a plan for things I wanted to accomplish. A small list, one which had been modified (or so I thought) to the beyond normal standards. First off, it took me about an hour to convince myself to move. I’ve had a nasty headache since Thursday night, so that was something additional to battle. Nausea was trying to take hold this morning, so it had to be kicked down. And standing made me a little light-headed.

I persevered. I took the tasks slowly, one at a time, and kept moving forward—with breaks along the way. At one point, I passed the mirror and noticed my face was flushed. Which for me is actually fairly normal, although, usually there is more reason for it than what I had been doing. A little while later I passed the same mirror and one look told me I was done for the day. Instead of being flushed, I had paled a shade or three … in other words, it could have been Caspar staring back at me from the mirror, which is not a good sign. And I was shaking. Time to stop or pass out.

On top of the rest of it, because of the leukemia, throughout the day I will periodically sweat profusely, with no effort expended whatsoever. Such a pleasant thing. HA. I didn’t get everything I wanted to accomplished, but in beyond normal, I’ll accept what was done and won’t worry about what wasn’t—because I can’t. I’m doing the best I can, and my focus MUST be on getting well. And part of getting well is knowing when to stop (and no, I don’t yet have it mastered). All the focus must be on positive and not the negative.

In thinking about living life beyond normal, I know I am not the only one out here on the fringe this year (or any year). So when you see someone who is having to count to 3 before taking the next step, give them an extra smile to encourage them along their way, or a helping hand. It’s not easy out here, and we all end up here at one point or another.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dec. 18.

Cycle 2, Day 2 – Chemo

Christmas Candles

Christmas Candles

My Status: Tired
Mood: Doing better

Another long one today, although we did manage to skip the whole allergic reaction thing. That is a huge positive. But because of the allergic reaction yesterday, the decision was made to run today’s chemo at a much slower pace to ensure there were no difficulties. End result was the chemo that should have taken approximately 3 hours took nearly 6. Another day eaten by chemo.

By the time I returned home, I was tired. Unable to keep my eyes open tired. I had a small bite to eat to keep the nausea at bay, and then crawled between the sheets. I dozed, but did not fall into a deep sleep. So guess who will be taking a sleeping pill again tonight??? If I can’t sleep when I’m that exhausted, then it is a necessity to get enough rest to handle the next day. The plan at the moment is to finish this post, have some tea, and hopefully zonk out for the night.

The after effects of the allergic reaction so far have been the headache last night, which was coming back on earlier this evening, but I’ve got it back under control, a bit of a sore throat, water retention, puffy eyes, congestion, and getting winded climbing the stairs. With the severity of the reaction, I count myself lucky. And strangely, this morning it was difficult to raise my left arm above my head. The chemo was in the right arm yesterday, so this seems a bit strange to me. Anyway, overall, doing well.

The candles at the top of the post are my symbol for hope. They are burning bright, keeping vigil, and signify tomorrow will be an even brighter day. Hydration should go well. One additional hurdle is that we are already having difficulty in getting good veins to put the drips in. So before the next chemo cycle I will go have a port put in, and the stress on my arms will be reduced for the remainder of my treatments. Easier for the chemo nurses, and easier for me. Win-win at its best.

And that’s it for today. Nothing much to say because everything went well, albeit slow.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nov. 24.

Venturing Out

My Status: Feeling Relaxed
Mood: Amused

Today I actually ventured out of the house. Since having my treatments, I’ve pretty much been a hermit. Not intentionally, but my morning commute to work is now simply crossing the landing to my office, Denny has done the shopping so I wouldn’t have to be out and about with the general public, and so really there has been no reason for me to leave the house. Stir crazy? Not yet. (Give me time.)

But with the way my arms have been, I thought it’d be a good idea to get a massage, and there just happens to be a massage place about a block and a half from me. Convenient, isn’t it? Maybe not so much for the pocketbook, but we’ll see how things go. I’ve had several massages in the past, but one thing I have noticed … no massage therapist is ever the same. And this experience was no different. I did make sure, to the best of my ability, that the therapist did not have a cold before going in. The reason I said to the best of my ability is that the owner and therapist were Chinese with limited capacity for the English language and my Chinese is non-existent.

I will state up front, I don’t have modesty issues—and it’s a good thing. We started off the session, as normal, going into the room and the therapist indicating I was to lie on the table face-down. I mentioned I’d need a towel to place under my chest. For the uninitiated, I have big boobs, and lying on a flat table with no additional support to relieve the pressure hurts. It’s common practice and some therapists offer before I can ask. Today’s therapist nodded and grinned and left the room. I proceeded to undress.

This may be TMI, but when I disrobe for a massage, my preference is to go full Monty. It’s easier for the therapist not to have to work around under garments, and provides me with a better overall massage. I was on the table trying to figure out how to appropriately drape the small bath towel left on the table for the purpose when the knock came at the door. I said, “Just a moment,” and she barged into the room (sans the towel I had requested). Like I said … good thing I don’t have modesty issues. We got me settled and the massage began. Things were going well about half-way through the massage when I heard a new customer arrive. A few others had shown up after me, and all therapists were now engaged, and I heard the new person being told that very thing.

What blew my mind was that he argued that he really wanted a massage now and didn’t want to wait. And it was explained, again, that everyone was busy. Now this is a walk-in, not someone who had an appointment for a specific time. Grumbling, the guy settled down in the lobby area. Fast forward about five minutes. I’m still face-down on the table, half-draped while the therapist worked my entire right back side, from shoulder down to leg and the phone rang. My therapist left to answer the phone.

Leaving the Door. Wide. Open.

Yes, I peeked. Wide open to the hall. I’m draped on one side only (the side away from the door) and the guy from the lobby decides to start pacing the hall. I kept my head down and relaxed. There was nothing I could do except make the situation worse by getting up … and I don’t embarrass easily. So I listen to this guy pacing past my door on his cell phone, and he’s complaining again. “I’m here and have already been waiting for five minutes.”

I started to laugh. For all the world, it sounded as if this guy had decided to call them and make an appointment, for, oh yeah, right now. Coincidentally, he concluded his call, and my therapist returned to the room and continued my massage.

For all my writer friends, this scene is mine… ALL mine. It will go in a book somehow. I will make it happen.

The thing that this therapist did differently than any massage I had experienced (other than leaving the door wide open) was that she knelt on the backs of my legs and used her knees to massage the bottom parts of my glutes while using her hands to work the lower back and top of the glutes. It was an interesting technique. I may be wearing a few bruises (on my back) from the massage, but it was worth getting the knots out.

After my massage, I came home and took a 3 hour nap. Then was putzing around on the computer, chatting with a friend and getting some things posted, picking out the picture for this post, and I started to feel a bit nauseous. And realized the only thing I’d had in the past 9 hours was a 20 oz bottle of G2 (Gatorade light) which took me 3 hours to drink. No WONDER I was getting nauseous. That is one thing I have noticed, when my stomach hits empty, it is much easier for me to feel nauseous. Even if I only have a little something—solid—it helps.

The bout of nausea has been dealt with, and I am currently making up for lost liquid consumption. Especially having had a massage, I need to push fluids. Good thing I had that nap.

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

UA-19119025-1