Tag Archives: CBC results

Dec. 20.

The Light Ahead

By Liana Gardner | Posted in Good Day |
Comments (8)

My doctors always tell me to stay away from sick people — and I have done my best, but there is a part of my brain that wonders how that is even possible. Turns out my best wasn’t quite good enough because I picked up an infection while grocery shopping (I know, I know… I should have left it on the shelf, but the bugger jumped in the cart, and boy have I paid for it). That was early November. Last week, I finally got the all clear from my doc, but it took 2 courses of strong antibiotics to beat it. I am used to responding well to antibiotics, so to have been on one of the stronger antibiotics to begin with to have to need something stronger was a bit concerning. Fortunately, it did knock it out. But the night before my “well-check”, I felt a little pea-sized nodule on the side of my neck. So I pointed it out because I thought it might be the lymphoma making an appearance. My doctor felt the same, so he called the oncologist and I had a CT scan done on Friday.

I had an appointment with the oncologist today (in advance of my quarterly appointment) and she agrees that my blood values are rising too quickly for what is normally a slow-progressing disease, and that the nodule, as well as a few others she found during the exam, are lymphoma. So, it is back to chemo. With a twist. There are new treatment protocols and the one she feels is best for me at this time means that I only have to take a pill a day instead of a monthly drug infusion via IV. WHAT A RELIEF!! I will have to go in monthly to have my blood values checked to ensure the treatment is working as it should, but no spending about 20 hours over the course of 3 days with an IV in on a monthly basis.

The picture at the top expresses exactly how I feel at the moment. So peaceful and calm with a lantern lighting my way.

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Oct. 12.

Searching for the Rainbow

By Liana Gardner | Posted in Meh, Musings |
Comments (3)
Lightning and Rainbow

Lightning and Rainbow

Yesterday I had my three month check up with the oncologist. I don’t mind admitting that the past three months have been difficult ones for me as I do NOT wait well. The BIG question for the visit was whether the blood values had started behaving themselves or whether they either maintained or became worse, which means the watchful waiting would change from watching to chemo. Based on the way I have been feeling and my increased fatigue levels, I knew the results would be worse, and my anticipation was that we would discuss when to do the bone marrow biopsy and when to start chemo again. For the first time, I have approached the blood-value checking without knowing what I hoped for.

Let me explain. Barring divine intervention, I knew I would not be walking in to find that my values had all returned to the normal range. With the way I have been feeling, even had God made that happen, I’d have probably dissolved into a puddle of tears because the truth is I don’t feel well — I’m not 100% and I know it. And if everything was normal then there was something seriously wrong. So what were the possible outcomes of the visit? The expected march forward toward chemo, which is not something to be greeted with glee … or to my mind, even worse, sentenced to waiting another three months because the values remained steady.

Soooo, the results were worse, and not just a little worse. The progression continues to be aggressive and the values jumped as much as they did between April and July. What did I feel on hearing the results? Validated. My energy levels have been extremely low and at least there is a cause I can point to … other than feeling like a slug. But here is where things went off course from expectation. Instead of hearing bone marrow biopsy and chemo, I heard come back in January. Ummm, my blood levels are as bad or worse than they were when I went through chemo in 2013, so I didn’t understand why we would continue to wait.

But here’s the thing, while my white blood cells and lymphocytes are clogging up my system, my platelets are fighting the good fight and refusing to be beaten back. They are still within normal range. And BECAUSE they are still hanging tough, the doctor wants to give them the opportunity to continue their fight … so we wait and check again in January. Did I see this as a positive? NO! Why not? Because my mind doesn’t deal well with feeling like I’m in limbo. I know I’m not well, so I want to move forward and FIX the problem. As unpleasant as moving forward can be sometimes, it is taking action, and I am GREAT at putting one foot in front of the other and powering through. No matter what.

My dear friend, Italia, helped me get back on track emotionally with a lesson in gratitude. I was seeing the storm and the lightning strike and feeling like things were just going to continue in limbo, and that I truly don’t want to spend the rest of my life like a hermit. I need time-based boundaries … because I can do ANYTHING for XXX amount of time, as long as I know. Doing things for ??? amount of time, I don’t do well. So I saw the storm and the lightning was the jolt that said, you don’t have any control here and you’re just going to have to wait. Italia tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at the rainbow — the positives in the situation like: not having to be in chemo through the holidays, giving the medication my doctor prescribed to help with the fatigue a chance to work so I felt better and more ready to face chemo, being able to continue working from home to help me stay as healthy as possible. She reminded me that God is in control and I was focused on my picture of what I wanted and not on the bigger picture He has for my life.

This is WHY we have friends. 😀 To help us look for the right things. Normally, I am always searching for the rainbow, the bright spot in the storm. But all I saw were the gathering clouds and the destruction caused by the lightning. Does seeing the rainbow make things easier? A little. I am still dragging tail and feel like some thief came in and stole all my spoons while I napped, but I have my little ball of hope back, and with that alone I can conquer the world.

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Jul. 13.

Bye Bye Remission

By Liana Gardner | Posted in Musings |
Comments (11)
Miriadna - Far Cry

Miriadna – Far Cry

It has been 3 months since my last blog post. I feel like I’m starting a confessional. 😉 As you might tell from the title of this post, I am no longer in remission. The slightly elevated lymphocyte count decided to go on a bender and became a definitely elevated lymphocyte count. The little buggers decided to more than double over the past 3 months. Which is not exactly the results we wanted from this visit and we are still in wait and see mode.

unsinkablemollybrownA few weeks ago, a good friend said I reminded him of Molly Brown … the UNSINKABLE Molly Brown. I was honored by his comparison. Molly was a childhood hero of mine. No matter what happened, Molly fought and scratched and managed to survive and succeed against the odds. She survived the sinking of the Titanic and fought to do the right thing and go back to save more people who were in the water close to the Titanic as it sank. I have always identified with Molly, I wanted to be the type of person she was, always striving to be better, concerned and caring toward her fellow man, dusting herself off when she met with a setback and striding forward again. She had the will to succeed. The will to survive.

So do I.

While this news is not exactly welcome, it is also not the end of the world. I AM a survivor and will continue to keep my focus on eating the right foods, exercising, and getting enough rest. It’s the only thing, outside of prayer, I can do to help effect any change in my body. The results were not a surprise to me. I have not been feeling 100% for a while now. And certain of the small symptoms have been creeping back in, like:

  • Easy bruising
  • Small blood vessel bursting to create blood blisters
  • Higher fatigue levels
  • And the dreaded night sweats have become worse

All of these things were a precursor to my diagnosis in the first place, so as they have been increasing I have had a sinking feeling that my counts were getting out of whack. But other than that, I feel okay. And for today, okay will do fine.

What comes next? Well, we are still monitoring the development, so I go back in another 3 months and we do this all over again. The only changes I need to make are to make sure I exercise additional caution with regards to being around people. My doc has told me to stay away from sick people again, since my ability to fight off infection is once again compromised. So limiting exposure to crowds, making sure I don’t get exposed if someone comes into the office with a cold, if I see someone hacking and sneezing … run the other way. In other words, stay as healthy as I can.

What can you do??? Say some prayers, or send good juju to the Universe, and join me in thinking positive thoughts because I have way too much to accomplish to succumb to failings on the part of my body. 😉

The mountains at the top of this post are to remind me that I scale mountains every day and the only way to get to the peak is to keep climbing, no matter how many times you slip and fall. If you fall, you get up, clean off the scrapes, ignore the bruises, and continue moving forward.

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